To Hair, and To Hair Not: From Vintage Classic to Just Plain AWFUL

1 May

Hair styles are one thing that go in and out of style before you even walk out the door the your latest hair appointment. I’ve seen it all. As someone who is particularly OCD about their hair, I find comfort in paying too much for a haircut in order to feel like I am

getting one that is quality. I am notorious for frequenting Toni and Guy. My friends laugh at me, but they always seem to compliment my hair. Hmmm. What do these two things have in common?

 I find it funny that a lot of women are turning to a vintage hair style and I thought I’d touch base on what that is actually considered. Having pin curls done for my wedding was quite the challenge. First of all, finding someone who knew what pin curls were, an accomplishment all in its own. Then, making sure this girl knew what to do so that the pin curls stayed in their proper place, while I busted a move on the dance floor to the Macarena…priceless.

The cut that I have seen come in and out of style, and seems to look good on everyone but me, is the Bob. January Jones made it quite the rage when she came donned the style in Mad Men, and everyone seemed to follow suit. Lets face it, nobody does a Bob better than Katie Holmes or Victoria Beckham. Of course if I had that kind of discipline, or lack of appetite, I’m

sure I’d look just as good. Unfortunately, I love cake. While the Bob has made a frequent comeback time and again, it wasn’t the 60’s housewife who made it popular. The Bob dates back all the way to the early 1920’s. After all, in all that Charleston-ing, you didn’t want a little hair getting in your way. My new favorite, the Bob and the Bangs. They could be an eighties grunge band, but instead they are an adorable pair that only look good on really skinny girls with thin faces (aka Posh and Joey). I find it makes my face look fat, and I tend to not like that look.I’ve seen the straight bang, the swept bang, the almost to the middle of my head bang. All adorable, but like I said, you have to look the part. Get it, part. Like in the part of your hair. I entertain myself, what can I say!

Oh the bang. I’ve had a love hate relationship with the bang. I love them, I hate them, I can’t live without them, but I’m on the 12 step, 12 month program where I am letting them grow out. It’s never easy to grow out your bangs, and by the time you do grow them out, they are back in style again and you concede to have them trimmed again. But getting bangs is like having that last drink of the night when you know it’s time to go home. You wind up blacking out and having to hear from a friend that your rendition of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”, was the best they’d seen in years, and has instantly become a YouTube sensation. Now Daniel Tosh is calling you to be on his web show and you realize you really can’t make it out there to do the show because you are in the middle of growing out your bangs. Damn the timing. There’s only one thing you regret more than that drink, and it was cutting your bangs to begin with. Can someone please explain to me why it takes your hair less than 6 months to grow 6-8 inches, but your bangs take a full year to completely recover. Isn’t it all hair to begin with?

Now here is something I commonly like to refer to as Pin-Up girl hair. A nice little curl in the front (ya know where your bangs are supposed to be) and a swept under curl in the back to show off your neck. It’s fun and cute and wildly popular with those hipster chics. (See previous blog if you are unsure if you fit the “Hipster” category). This looks good on just about anyone with curves. FINALLY! We have a cut for our own kind. The curvature of the hair style accentuates the curves of the body, and if it doesn’t, well, then you did it wrong. I once did this hair style for a friend who wanted to do a Pin-Up shoot with her a the drag-race girl. I don’t think I quite mastered it but, eh, that’s what Photoshop is for: to make you look like you knew what you were doing in the first place. (By the way, just kidding, this is NOT what Photoshop is for at all).

Lately on Mad Men, Roger’s wife, Jane, has been pulling out all the stops on her hair styles. I hate the look, personally, but I guess if you have that much free time and money, it doesn’t always guarantee that you have style as well. It’s what I kindly refer to as “I Dream of Jeanie” hair. You remember this look, if you grew up during the 80’s. We embellished the look with

the wall o’hair. Very simple: step one, pick up the front part of your hair and hold straight up; step two, spray with an entire bottle of hairspray; and complete. While Jane’s look was a lot less drastic than the famous 80’s wall bang, it still has the same principle. Take hair, put in top of head, making it hard to walk through low lying ceilings. You leave a little bit hanging off the back, that way it can sit comfortably on your right shoulder, or down your side. However, this is not a good look if there is any male under the age of 30 who still thinks it’s funny to pull girls hair. Watch out guys! These days you may get a handful of faux-hair inthat pull.


I love changing up my look with a new hairstyle every once in awhile. I unfortunately don’t have the face for a Bob and Bang, but I still love the style nonetheless. While I still hold that the I Dream of Jeanie looks good on no one, I’m sure it works for some. Sorry if this is your signature look. I’m sure you and Tony have a wonderful life together. Tell Endora I said hi…oh, wait, wrong hit 60’s sitcom. Good hair styles come and go, and go back again. I just hope the 90’s stay gone, and that wall o’hair 80’s bang don’t make a come back either. While the 90’s are not considered vintage yet…they will be one day. And if you survived the first go ’round of it, you know we don’t want to see those looks EVER again.


One Response to “To Hair, and To Hair Not: From Vintage Classic to Just Plain AWFUL”

  1. Dianne May 1, 2012 at 12:05 pm #

    I don’t want to deal with a re-do of the 80s…except for Simon & Simon, that is.

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